Why I Will Not Shelf an Elf

Let me preface this post by saying, "Relax".  I am not a grinch, I love the holiday season, I can get as enthralled in it as the next person.  And while I have issues with the Elf on a Shelf I would never dream of begrudging someone of their own happiness or judge them for their choice.  If you are a proud Elf Shelfer, if it is part of your holiday tradition and it works for you and it makes you happy, then right on!  Enjoy yourself!  Shelf that elf until the cows come home and have as much fun as you can with it!

That being said, I'm SERIOUSLY tired of people telling me how I HAVE TO get one!  And that I'm somehow denying my children of Christmastime happiness.  If I say something as simple as, "Nah, we're not really that into it, I don't think we'll be getting one" I get greeted with, "What's WRONG with you?!  Are you some kind of grinch?  Do you buy your children Christmas presents?"  No, I'm not kidding...I have gotten all 3 responses to me simply stating that I don't want to partake, or asking that somebody please not buy us one.

And I have to tell you that before K was born and before we had the nursery fully set up for her, Wifey & I played an unspoken game with each other.  We had some old Cabbage Patch dolls that had been put into the crib.  And every day without saying anything to each other, we would take turns re-arranging their positions.  This went on for weeks without talking about it and it was hysterical.  So I can see the appeal in finding ridiculous places/position for the elf, however, these are kids we're dealing with and not twisted adult minds. Being ridiculous with my wife is not the same thing as the Elf on a Shelf, in my opinion. Unless you are childless and you get one - and I have some childless friends who do some sick, twisted things with their Elf on a Shelf.  That is hysterical and I am totally on-board!

So my friends, here are the reasons that I don't want to/won't participate in this elf business.

First of all, people break these things out waaaayyy too early.  In general Christmas in happening earlier and earlier each year.  I am a big believer that nothing should be Christmas-ey until after Thanksgiving.  It can even be ON Thanksgiving that the festivities start, but this day after Halloween thing is BS if you ask me.  Part of the reason the holiday season is so wonderful is because it is for a limited amount of time..extend it and it loses the magic.  It becomes humdrum, everyday.

Do you really want this in your kids' room?

#2.  Have you SEEN these things?!  They are creepy as heck!  I'm pretty sure there were horror movies in the '80's based on this guy!!  And if there aren't, there should be!  Clowns are pretty scary on their own, but you add Killer Clowns From Outer Space and Poltergeist to the mix, and you have scarred your children for life.  Anyone my age can attest to this.  So I also refuse to put any kind of clown in my kids' rooms because of this as well, and I think it's a matter of time before the elf's are the new childhood terror.  Look at that face!  That's the stuff of nightmares right there!  I wouldn't want my kids to wake up in the night seeing this demonic doll staring at them.  Of course it will keep them behaving overnight - it will paralyze them with fear, hereby ruining elf's and thereby Christmas in general for the foreseeable
future.

I think this is where Elf will end up

#3.  I just don't have the time.  Our routine is so crazy to begin with, I barely have time to function normally.  Add another task to the list, moving this thing throughout the house, and there is no way.  I would forget about it after one day and that would ruin the whole magic of it popping up anywhere.

#4.  I have nothing against bribery.  I fully admit to using it myself in times of desperation (haircuts for R, bloodtests for K, etc.).  However, there is a flaw to the bribery with the Elf on a Shelf; Unless you keep it out year-round (please God, NO!) it is only good seasonally.  If you rely on the Elf to help with discipline or other learning moments, how do you function the other 11 months out of the year?  And I'm not of the persuasion that bribing your kids to be good for Christmas so they can get toys and countless other things that they don't need is a good idea.  If you subscribe to the whole Santa part of Christmas I think it's a bad idea in general to make kids think that they might not be "good enough" to have those magical moments.  Let's face it - there is a shelf-life on the Santa believing.  I'd rather my kids enjoy every last second of it that they can.  Sure, I might throw a comment here or there in desperation like, "Don't forget - Santa's watching you.  If you hit your brother again he's not going to be too happy..." but I would never want to lead them to believe that they might not get a visit from Santa, or that the only reason they should not hit each other is so that they can get presents.  It's important to learn the reasoning behind whatever behavior you're trying to deal with and get your child to listen to you, not just appease us for the reward.

So there you have it.  I will not Elf.  Please don't try to make me feel bad about it.  By all means, if you enjoy this tradition, have fun with it.  If it works for you that's great, I would never want to take that away from you.  But don't tell me there's something wrong with me for not embracing it, and PLEASE don't buy my kids one.

Merry Christmas.